This morning I woke up to a 9-year-old picture with my dearest friend as Facebook flashed it as memories on my phone. I lost this friend of mine in 2010 and even after 7 long years, there still remains a vacuum inside my heart. Not only was she the closest friend but also someone who taught me the essence of true friendship.
We both were introverts to the outside world but we could talk for hours in each other’s company. She was a perfect listener and a caring friend. There were so many similarities (except she was 5’10’’ and I am only 5’3’’) that we always refuted the age-old belief of opposites attracting each other.
Thinking back of 2010, the array of memories flash across my mind and there is a lot to feel sad and happy about. Every year around this time, I get this similar feeling of something major being missing. There is this sinking feeling I get, extremely difficult to be described, that makes me weak in my knees but then I think it’s my memories that help me survive. They are those conversations that happened back then which keeps me going. And it’s those lessons I learnt that make me a better person today. There are memories of love and friendship, separation; happiness and pain at the same time.
‘While separation in every form leaves heartache no one can heal, love in all its forms leaves a memory no one can steal.’
Even though all of us have memories, only those who have felt the love of any type in its purest form can relate to this better. Our memories are a tricky thing. Right when we start feeling stable, our memories bounce back with all the energy and power to affect us more than ever before. They are indeed the most unreliable thing in our lives. The passage of time might affect our memories in some form and some of those may even shift over time with changing perception. But, they never fail in taking us back to a moment even when a small connected thing reoccurs. What is even more surprising is that, generally, it happens to be a thing you didn’t even pay attention to during that time. It could just be some random song or a meaningless conversation. Whatever it is, it starts affecting you more than anything else in the world and takes you back down the memory lane.
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‘It is sometimes hard to analyse if you thrive on these memories or if it is these memories that make you who you’re today.’
I see myself as a person who is quite different from what I used to be back then. Even though my basic personality remains the same, I find myself much more committed and dedicated to my work. I have stopped taking my words loosely and I now understand how it can hurt you for a lifetime to miss your chance of meeting your loved one.
What that says about me I’m not sure but even if these memories have brought the best in me yet I want them to fade into oblivion. Because they still hurt and because they still make my eyes moist. They even make me silent amidst many conversations because my mind starts wandering to different places and give others a feeling that I am lost in a different world. And, it hurts to be in the present when your mind is always in the past.
Our memories are so hard to put down because they are so true. They are poignant and moving. They make us laugh and they make us cry. And when it gets too painful, we simply choose to forget those memories and then they again come back….Because we all need our memories as they make us humans.
Image source: afterlifeblog.com